Obscanity: You'll know it when you see it

“Insurance companies are detail-oriented enough to deny claims for things like typos. If you spell something wrong, do you really deserve surgery? I don’t think so.”

Bill Maher: New Rule: Smart President ? Smart Country.

Jeff Vrabel: Leave the mermaids alone, senator – Norwich, CT – Norwich Bulletin.

Last week, Republican Sen. Sam Brownback of Kansas and the dark side of Neptune and 2008 presidential candidate for exactly 24 minutes less time than Fred Thompson, just in case you were worried that was impossible, introduced legislation banning the creation of terrifying-sounding ANIMAL-HUMAN HYBRIDS, such as mermaids, or Perez Hilton.

Umbridge what?

Going to extremes for school reunions – CNN.com.

I have to agree with one of the commenters that to at least some degree, high school reunions are redundant nowadays, since Facebook and other sites keep us connected in ways that weren’t possible in earlier days.

However, I think reunions will keep going strong for a few reasons (not all of them listed below, of course). Admittedly these are cynical reasons for the high school reunion to survive… but honestly, how many people really go to their high school reunions because they LOVED high school? Curiosity, I think, is what draws most people. So here goes:

1) Obviously, not everybody is on Facebook, and sometimes the missing folks are the people you most want to see again.

2) Facebook is the primer for the reunion, not its substitute! (You do with this one what you will.)

3) Poking people and “Liking” their status updates is not the same as really talking to people, catching up, and putting yourself back into the social structures that made your high school your high school, for better or for worse. For people seeking to “undo” what they lived through in high school, the reunion itself is necessary. And for people seeking to “relive” their glory days of high school, where they reigned supreme as Evil Bitchmonster of Death, sometimes the reunion is necessary to take them down a notch. And of course some things never change – but how will you know until you get there?

4) While becoming the Great American Pastime, Facebook-stalking people you aren’t really friends with on or off Facebook does not a reunion make.

5) Finally, people present a polished and carefully constructed image of themselves online – sometimes so carefully it cannot be reconstructed off the computer screen. Don’t you want to see what that annoying girl with the glamour shot profile pic REALLY looks like today?

A Gaythering Storm from FOD Team, Jane Lynch, Alicia Silverstone, Lance Bass, George Takei, LizFeldman, Jason Lewis, Sarah Chalke, Sophia Bush, and lauren.

LMAO. Go to the URL they list at the end. SRSLY.

The Bilerico Project | Planet Unicorn.

Looks like somebody’s been grazing in the ambrosia fields for too long… how is Bilerico JUST NOW discovering Planet Unicorn? Seriously? What’s next – are they going to reveal a fabulous new cartoon called Lizzy the Lezzy?

The Bilerico Project | Best NOM parody ad yet.

Yep. Today, marriage. Tomorrow, analog TV! We are out to destroy God’s creations! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

*arf!*

Gay Couple Feels Pressured To Marry | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source.

LMAO. The funny thing is that this could totally be a real article.

Moses is Departing Egypt: A Facebook Haggadah.

Jews on Facebook – you NEED to see this. NEED.

No, seriously. I’ve been in hysterics for the past 10 minutes. The good kind.

THE O.T. AT THE O.C.: What biblical icons do when they find themselves in Orange County.

*giggles*

Funny stuff. For Torah fans with a sense of humor. 😛

20 Things To Do With Matzah: A Post-Passover Greeting.

LOL.

Renowned Hoo-Ha Doctor Wins Nobel Prize For Medical Advancements Down There | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source.

I do love “The Onion.”

The Note: Rush to POTUS: Bring it On.

HAHAHAHA. Rush Limbaugh WISHES he was important enough to merit attention from President Obama. I hope the White House answers his challenge with a stamp-signed photograph of the President staring pensively out at the Grand Canyon. That’s what I got when I wrote to George Bush Sr. as a 3rd grader and asked him to please save the planet for us kids by not polluting.

I’m Sorry Rush – by the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee.

Funny stuff. 🙂

So You Want to Boycott Israel?.

xkcd – A Webcomic – Dreams.

I love this one.

‘Raptors Ahead’ Sign Gets Stares, Chuckles – Indiana News Story – WRTV Indianapolis.

Okay, I get a LOT of spam, including lots of posts that just say, “I LOVED [blog post title here].” Usually I delete them right away… but this one just made me giggle like a twelve year old…

Oh, Ann Coulter. You always keep me laughing. So long as I don’t look at you. Then I just cringe.

I notice that liberals have not challenged the overall thesis of my rocketing bestseller, “Guilty: Liberal ‘Victims’ and Their Assault on America,” which is that liberals always play the victim in order to advance, win advantages and oppress others.

Ann, sweetie, liberals aren’t challenging the overall thesis of your “rocketing bestseller” because we have more important things to worry about, and your “book” is, well… not important. Also, we have no interest in contributing to your coffers, and frankly, we don’t want anything in our homes with your face on it. Please. Think of the children.

But since I’m bored, let’s comment on a few of the gems in Coulter’s whining-for-attention article:

Caroline Kennedy tried to Bigfoot her way into New York’s Senate seat while being bathed in the Kennedy light of eternal victimhood. The New York Times began a profile of Caroline by quoting an average citizen who “turns almost maternally protective” upon hearing Caroline’s name, mentioning the assassination of her father — nearly half a century ago.

Yeah. It’s not like Republicans in Congress defend their sex scandals by referencing Chappaquiddick. But CLEARLY the six years between Kennedy’s assassination and the Chappaquiddick scandal makes alllll the difference in terms of justifiable historical references. CLEARLY.

Meanwhile, Robert Kennedy hadn’t lived in New York since he was 12 years old. But the allegedly sophisticated voters of New York were awed by the Kennedy name, and dumped a popular native son.

Yeah. And how long had it been since Elizabeth Dole had truly been a resident of North Carolina when she ran for Senate in 2002? OH YEAH – since 1959! Whoops. If I’m doing my math right, that is about 43 years. Interestingly, that is about the same number of years Robert Kennedy was ALIVE.

But either way, Robert Kennedy was elected as a New York Senator in 1965. Coulter is talking about an election that happened more than 40 years ago. I thought we were leaving history out of this discussion?

The only reason McCarthy was elected to Congress in the first place is that her husband and son were shot by a crazed gunman on the Long Island Rail Road in 1993. Colin Ferguson’s shooting spree wasn’t stopped sooner because none of the passengers had guns. As has been demonstrated beyond dispute at this point, armed citizens save lives.

Well… funny thing. One of the passengers did in fact have a gun. His name was Colin Ferguson.

I don’t know a single conservative who thought America wouldn’t elect a black man.

*SNORT*

Well I’m sure she knows plenty who WISHED America wouldn’t elect a black man – and plenty who wouldn’t VOTE for one.

But ironically, Obama’s father is from Africa: He never suffered from the ancient policies that, today, give his son Victim Gold. To the contrary, if Obama’s African relatives had anything to do with slavery, it was on the business end.

Wow. This woman never fails to go for the low blow, does she? And so what if Obama’s great-great grandparents were not enslaved by the US? Does that mean his father was treated like anything other than a black man during his years in America? Does that mean Obama himself was treated as anything but a black man? Do racist assholes like Coulter go around saying, “Well, please, before I pass judgment upon you, tell me, were your ancestors slaves in the South, or are you of the category of dark Americans who are tolerable and acceptable to me?” No. They don’t inquire as to people’s history. They see black, and they respond.

Playmobil Security Check Point

No joke!

The reviews are hilarious.

Irish Drinking Songs for Cat Lovers.

Noisy farts, bathroom doors — couples’ boundaries – CNN.com.

The comments on this are hilarious. The article, whatever, but the comments… people are so freaking uptight. I mean, nobody says you have to go do these things in public, or think it’s cute or funny to burp your spouse’s name or blow your nose at the dinner table or something – but I think this is definitely a debate where the term “anal retentive” comes in really handy…

Gay Marriage: Our Mutual Joy | Newsweek Culture | Newsweek.com.

Miller makes a pretty strong case against the sort of anti-gay, exclusive rhetoric that’s been tossed around lately. While she’s pretty strong on the Jesus, New Testament, and biblical marriage issue, I think she could have gone even further with the story of David and Jonathan. There was no brotherly love there, if you know what I mean. It’s beyond obvious if you actually read the story.

Miller gets one detail wrong – it’s true that “not many” Jewish denominations (if you can call them that) sanctify same-gender marriage. But this is a misleading statement. There aren’t “many” Jewish “denominations” in the first place. The very largest one (Reform) does officially recognize same-gender marriage, with the second-largest one (Conservative) recognizing same-gender unions but stopping short at the word “marriage.” And I’m pretty sure the Reconstructionist and Humanist Jews recognize marriage as well. So while “not many” Jewish “denominations” (and that is so not the right word) officially recognize same-gender marriage or unions, most American Jews belong to one that does.

Other than that detail, it’s actually a truly fabulous article, although you might not know it from reading the comments, which all seem to be suspiciously similar and overwhelmingly in opposition.

Gee… I wonder why?

Well, in case you hadn’t already guessed, the conservative wingnut groups have been BLASTING this article to all of their members, insisting that they take action while at the same time not-so-subtly suggesting that they don’t actually read the article before doing so (why take the chance that somebody might actually listen to reason?). I’ve gotten a few emails to this effect. One of them was from the American Foundation for Self-Righteous and Holier-than-thou Consumption of Pornographic Material, more commonly known as the American Family Association (AFA). Here’s the email they sent out (God, I love it when the AFA sends out emails):

Newsweek magazine has published a lengthy article stating that the Bible supports homosexual marriage. The article was written Lisa Miller, Newsweek religion editor.

Miller’s article is one of the most biased and distorted pieces concerning homosexual marriage ever published by any major news organization. The article is much too long for this e-mail.

Dr. Albert Mohler has offered a response to the Newsweek article. I suggest you read Mohler’s article and then read Miller’s Newsweek article.

And in keeping with my tradition of translating the AFA’s fabulous and not-so-opaque communications, here’s what they really mean:

Newsweek magazine has published a very, very, very, very, very long article stating that the Bible supports homosexual marriage. The article was written Lisa Miller, Newsweek religion editor – for now.

Miller’s article is one of the most biased (and long) and distorted (and long) pieces in favor of homosexual marriage ever published by any liberal news organization. The article is much, much, much too long for this e-mail. It’s fewer kilobytes than some of the pornographic images that we’ve sent you in the past, but I promise – it’s much, much more boring, and will take much, much too much time to read.

Dr. Albert Mohler has offered a response to the Newsweek article. It’s a lot shorter. I suggest you read Mohler’s article instead, just to get the basic points. Then you can click on the Newsweek article link and leave impassioned comments about how very WRONG the author is. Don’t worry about not reading the article. Just quote some Bible verses and nobody will know! In fact, since most of you haven’t read the entire Bible either, Dr. Mohler has even been kind enough to tell you exactly which passages to cite in your comments, and how to interpret them. God bless him!

OMG. So… I did read the article, AND some of the raving comments, on one of my study breaks. Best quote ever, in the comments section. This woman rails on the author, making personal attacks against her, questioning her journalism credentials, suggesting that she might be better suited to write for the National Enquirer, saying her editor is crazy and greedy for allowing the article to be printed, and just generally insulting her for daring to suggest that the Bible might actually condone inclusivity.

Then, she innocently laments:

“As an American, I am beginning to feel persecuted for my religious beliefs…and becoming a minority. Will Christian Americans be given the same level of tolerance we have given to others???”

Oh, precious, I hope so.

Oldest Ever Lolcat Found gasp Iz From Teh 1905.

The differences are clear. Proper grammar and a more formal tone was in vogue back then. But the similarities to modern-day kitten struggles and lolcats are amazing. ALL CAPS is still cool, but most importantly, she also no can has cheezburger. More than a hundred years later, all that’s changed is the spelling.

Seth Grahame-Smith: Should Adopted Children be Allowed to Say “Mommy” and “Daddy?”.